Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
