I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
She said her name was "party"
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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