She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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