just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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