and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
