its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
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