State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
