dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
