i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
