I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
