Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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