I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
