i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I am available for nakedness
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
