big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Randomize
