sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
