if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
