More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
