I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
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