Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize