so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize