So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
You literally asked him, āDo you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?ā With no hesitation
Randomize