Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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