Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Randomize
