No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I have tasted many bathrooms
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
