Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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