I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Randomize
