Don't make out with my wife yet
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
