he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
