She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
