Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
You can't special order awesome
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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