i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
