Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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