I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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