i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Randomize
