Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Sober January is a disaster.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
