so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
