I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
