ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
