smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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