Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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