Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
