Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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