i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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