my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
