bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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