i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
