just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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