Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
