Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
