She said her name was "party"
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
