As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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