I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize