I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
