these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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