I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
