So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
