The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize