I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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