He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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