Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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