Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
