Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
