my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
