Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
