The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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