sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
