Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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