maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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