In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Everclear isn't food dammit
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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