he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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