That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
