Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
