I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
there is glitter all over my balls
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
